


Mario Kart but More Intense

by moonsamurai



Category: Epithet Erased (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Mario Kart, VERY INTENSE, a lot of cursing in case you can't tell, also more mario kart, how the fuck is percy so good, much screeching, ramsey can't play for shit, zora can't either
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:00:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22320712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonsamurai/pseuds/moonsamurai
Summary: "How are you so good at this game?!""I’m not sure, I just have a natural affinity for games with people riding dangerous cars around an equally dangerous track, which shouldn’t be legal at all.”"Maybe it's because you're a police officer."
Relationships: Percival "Percy" King/Ramsey Murdoch/Zora Salazar
Comments: 17
Kudos: 84





	Mario Kart but More Intense

"How are you so good at this game?!"

"I’m not sure, I just have a natural affinity for games with people riding dangerous cars around an equally dangerous track, which shouldn’t be legal at all.”

"Maybe it's because you're a police officer."

"Do you think a police officer would throw green shells at defenseless people while riding around a track with eleven other people behind them…?"

"In a dire situation,  _ yes!" _

The sounds of furiously mashing buttons filled the air, accompanying the yells of frustration and the game's sound effects.

"Oh come on!"

"You're in last place again."

"I'm aware of that, thank you. Now let me concentrate!"

"If you insist."

Ramsey let out a groan as he shifted and threw his arms, thus with the controller, to the right, his character swerving with a quick shout of surprise.

"Aw, shucks, it ain't as hard as you're makin' it!" Zora scoffed, tilting her controller sharply. "If anything, it's a lot easier."

"You turned it up to the hardest difficulty, highest speed, and thought that it was a good idea to turn motion controls on!” Ramsey protested indignantly, pressing down harder on the button to accelerate. "'Sides, you're having just as much trouble as me!"

To the left of the couch, Percy chuckled and tilted her controller lightly, her character cheering as their item hit someone else. 

“It’s really not that hard.”

Ramsey grumbled, cursing under his breath before shouting another one as his character fell off the track.

Following that, Zora proceeded to yell a loud curse as her character followed Ramsey’s lead- straight into the void. 

And through all of the screeching (mostly Ramsey) and chaos, Percy crossed the finish line, taking first with ease. A little smile appeared on her face as she turned to watch her friends’ screens.

After a couple of minutes filled with swearing, Ramsey falling off the track another three times, Zora taking ninth, and Ramsey being unable to even  _ complete _ the track, they moved on, continuing to the next race of the Prix.

“Which one should we do next?” Zora asked, lazily flicking through every stage, trying to pick one that caught her eye.

Ramsey leaned back, tapping his feet steadily. “Whatever you feel like.”

“Well I was thinkin’ Mushroom Gorge, but-”   
  
“Rainbow Road.”

Ramsey and Zora both snapped towards Percy, who was sipping some coffee casually, eyeing them carefully. 

_ What. _

The other two stared at Percy, who set down her cup with a raised eyebrow. 

"Well?"

“Wait, wait, wait,  _ what?” _ Ramsey stammered, snapping out of his shock. “You want to play Rainbow Road? The hardest stage in the game? In the hardest difficulty? And with the highest CPU levels-”

“Yes."

Zora whistled nervously, pressing the buttons to get to the course- the hardest course in the game,  _ Rainbow Road. _

“You really want to do this?” the cowgirl asked, her finger hovering over the button to start. Ramsey immediately started protesting, shaking his head and trying to get Zora to  _ not press start. _

At Percy’s nod, Zora pressed start (Ramsey was swearing like a sailor, like damn, Zora had never heard Ramsey like this) and the screen panned around the course for a second, showing the road covered in what seemed to be literal rainbows in space.

The three of them watched the screen come down to the characters, all waiting for the turtle on the cloud to give them the signal to go.

Said creature floated down in front of all of their screens, a traffic light dangling from a string. 

_ 3! 2! 1! START!!!! _

And they were off!

“FUCK!”

“WATCH YOUR FUCKIN’ LANGUAGE,” Zora screeched in response, veering away from a green shell that was coming directly at her. 

Percy narrowed her eyes as one of the computer players passed by her as she slipped on a banana peel. That character,  _ King Boo, _ would  _ pay. _

The fact that the ghost… _thing_ was technically a criminal wasn’t helping.

For a couple seconds, they were cruising through with almost no problems, except that Ramsey apparently  _ couldn’t _ play this stage much at all.

_ "YA THINK?" _

“How many times have you fallen off so far?” Zora asked while trying to hold back a laugh. Obviously, she was failing, but kudos for trying.

“I don’t know, since  _ I keep- DAMMIT!” _

“We’re not even done with the first lap!!”

Percy stifled a giggle, busying herself with shaking her controller quickly, trying to get herself a speed boost as she landed. 

“HAVE AT THEE, BITCH!” Ramsey screamed, throwing the blue shell he had grabbed. His mouth curled into a maniacal smile as he tilted his controller frantically, trying to regain control.

Percy, who was in first, squinted at her portion of the screen, completely unaware of Ramsey and Zora’s screens. So she didn’t see Ramsey chuck the blue shell at her. 

Then-

“What the-”

The blue explosion startled her for a second, and she could hear her character whining, and out of the corner of her eye, she could see Ramsey’s character cheering with a  _ wah- _

_ Oh you are so on. _

Zora yelped in surprise as her character got bumped off the course. She leaned back and caught a glimpse of her friends’ screens.

Ramsey had just fallen off into the void again, cursing in rage and frustration. Percy had gone strangely stone-faced, her controller seesawing sharply as she avoided the gaps on the road. 

_ Ramsey’s in for a ride to remember. _

Meanwhile, Percy tilted her controller lightly, her character following her moves. The green-themed man drove through the item block, the sound of shattering glass playing in time. At the top left hand corner of her part of the screen, a black box appeared, cycling through the items.

The golden shroom.

_ Ramsey… I’m coming for you. _

The rat man felt a shiver go up his spine. He fell again, goddammit, and glanced at Zora. She looked to be enjoying herself and not paying attention to him at all, instead opting to knock a CPU off the course, laughing at its misfortune.

Percy, on the other hand… 

Her eyes flicked over and the two colors connected for a second, and he shrunk back. He knew that stare very well.

_ Revenge. _

"Perce," Ramsey started, starting up the accelerator again as his character landed back on the road. "I'm going to have to ask you to kindly  _ not _ kill me."

The officer didn’t respond, instead making her way to the finish line for her third and final lap. Her eyes flicked over to the mini-map at the middle of the screen. Ramsey’s character, that purple clothed man with a weird mustache, was moving along kind of smoothly.

It seemed that Ramsey had managed to take a semblance of control.

_ Not for long. _

A slow grin spread across her face. She was catching up, slowly but surely. 

Zora swore yet again as her character fell off with a shout. She fell back with a huff, throwing her controller down on her lap in frustration. Her screen faded to black for a moment, bringing her character back on to the road.

The cowgirl’s eyes scanned the screen for a brief moment and nearly burst out laughing. Percy’s character,  _ Luigi, was it? _ ...was getting closer to Ramsey’s.

She elbowed Ramsey and pointed at the screen.

“Better watch out, Murdoch!”

And that was when Percy started mashing the control pad.

Her golden mushroom kicked in, and she sped through the course, knocking CPUs off the stage and heading directly for Ramsey.

“PERCY!” Ramsey screeched as his character was knocked off the course  _ again. _ “I TRUSTED YOU!”

“THAT WAS YOUR ONE AND ONLY MISTAKE!!” Percy shouted back, crossing the finish line with a smirk, or was that a grin? on her face. Her eyes sparkled with mirth and genuine happiness.

“In this game, everything is fair game,” Zora laughed, interrupting herself with another swear as her character fell off again, joining Ramsey at the bottom in ninth place again.

“I WAS DOING SO WELL!”

Percy held back a bark of laughter and sat back, dropping her controller and rubbing her hands. Mashing was fun, but  _ damn _ her hand could hurt afterward.

With a relieved sigh, Zora’s character crossed the finish line in eighth place. 

_ Not the energetic princess, now was she? _

“At least you moved up one!” Ramsey managed through gritted teeth, seeing Zora’s look of disappointment. “I’m still in twelfth!”

“And it seems like you’re going to be staying that way,” Percy commented, watching a CPU take eleventh on Ramsey’s screen. 

“FUCK!” he swore again, tilting his controller harshly. Finally, finally,  _ finally _ his character crossed the finish line with a mighty “WAH!”

And he wasn’t even  _ done. _

“Murdoch, you have, what, a minute to finish the race?” Zora laughed, tapping her chin. 

“Thirty seconds.”

“Thirty seconds to finish the race!” she corrected herself, listening to Ramsey curse and speed up.

Of course, since Ramsey had no control over gravity and force, he fell off the course.

Again.

The rat man took a deep breath and held it, closing his eyes. Exhaling  _ very _ slowly, he opened his eyes and dropped his controller.

"I give up."

"Aw come on, Ramsey."

"Nope, I've done this enough! Let's move on to the next race," he replied, crossing his arms and watching the race end.

Percy laughed, taking a sip of coffee. Ramsey glared the officer briefly before turning back to Zora, who looked… dissatisfied. 

The cowgirl crossed her arms and stared at the screen with a  _ look _ on her face that the other two knew  _ far _ too well.

“Zora, we’re not doing this again.”

“Fuck you, rat man. We’re gonna do this until I can get higher than eighth!”

“I can’t get above  _ twelfth!” _

“Are you sure this is a good idea?”   
  
“It’ll be fine, trust me!”

“But Zora, you fell off so many times in easier courses in the other VS races that we did! What makes you think you’re going to be able to do it now?” 

“It’ll be fine!!”

“No it won't!"

Ramsey tackled Zora, aiming to grab the controller. He’d do anything to not do that course again.

Zora wheezed from laughter as she batted away the rat man’s hands away as she attempted to mash continue. The two tumbled onto the floor, wrestling for the white remote.

Percy backed away from the two, gulping down her coffee while trying not to choke from laughter.

Yep, another normal day in this household.

Now if she could get that controller from Zora…

**Author's Note:**

> This was ride (haha get it) and it was a lot of fun to write! :D


End file.
